1st April 2026 - Wednesday

 

Something I learnt today

I’m incapable of going to bed at a reasonable hour. (It’s 02:15 and I decided now is a great time to attempt to start a new hobby of writing a diary to try and fight this brain fog I’ve been experiencing. Apparently 8pm was inappropriate).

I should be a bingo caller when I’m old…if I’m not decrepit or senile by then…or forget about this idea. I forgot the term ‘converted barn’ earlier today, and to think people can speak 2^nd languages. I can’t even spell faceatous in my own language. I can spell diarrhoea though.  

You can drink Elme Double Cream 2 months out of date.

Something that made me laugh today

The English constitution that is the bingo hall. It must be protected. How is a Bingo Hall in Leigh Park the first place I’ve witnessed the genius of having a fruit machine in a smoking area? And to my amazement they had the £1 quick games built into the wall to allow people to still play whilst smoking.  That’s genius level akin to remote controlled lightbulbs. (Although in 2026 no-one is yet to capitalize on my genius idea of placing a ‘finder’ button for remote controls on their base units ie. The Sky box, the TV etc. Surprisingly that hasn’t been invented/marketed yet, however someone funded the manufacture of eyelashes for car headlights).

That was only my 3^rd time ever playing Bingo but I hope a garish Crown Bingo stains our residential areas for decades to come. (But paper and dabber is the only way to go).

Something stupid…

Donald Trump.

 

 

And eyelashes on car headlights.

Anything else?

It looks like I have an underactive thyroid [self-diagnosis with the aid of AI]. But at least I’m not peri menopausal and my bones aren’t about to start crumbling just yet. (Fertility of a 30yr old apparently. Some would count that as a flex but as I’d rather a smear test from Captain Hook than bear a child it comes with less clout).

There should also be a ‘Jump straight to question 5 and don’t pass Menopause’ life button for those that have not procreated. It’s like working at an unused Power Plant and then having to demolish it single-handedly before you can retire.

(Whilst undergoing random sweating and a dry vagina).