15th April 2026 - Wednesday

 

Something I learnt today

I need to be drinking black tea (Ideally. It's a keto thing). 

I can't have honey in my tea anymore [excessively crying face emoji] 

Sweetener makes black tea taste like ass. 

Something that made me laugh today

An airline is called 'Zeppelin Air'. That's like calling a nuclear power station 'Chernobyl'. 

Something stupid…

The layout outside Three Bridges station in Crawley. It is the most non-sensical arrangement for pedestrians and cars and to be positioned somewhere so hectic as outside a train station is just absurd! I got put on a performance review for using colour coding on a spreadsheet once; is there no monitoring on what someone does with millions of public money? A kid with a Big Loader playset and an intelligence level akin to an adolescent British Saddleback could improve on that. 

(If you're Googling 'Big Loader', enjoy the nostalgia). 

Anything else?

How often are we meant to dust as adults? As a normal adult with job(s) and a good social life (both priorities) who also lives alone so only has her own standards to adhere to. How often is normal? 

I don't want to ask anyone in person as I know I'm going to disagree and not align with whatever the answer is. The lack of visual reward and just the knowledge that your house is cleaner doesn't provide me enough ammunition or desire. 

I'm definitely way past the point of acceptable now though. My lounge gets dusted by my cleaners but my room. Oh my. How I can breathe at night is genuinely impressive.  

14th April 2026 - Tuesday

 

Something I learnt today

I procrastinate on important but unappealing jobs and would rather opt for the more appealing but far less important ones instead. I'm sure many people do this, however, my level can get out of hand. When I don't want to do something I really don't want to do it. To the point that the fallout from the avoided action is more appealing than taking the action. I will always say "I'm not going to do that again" and yet I do. Every time. Multiple times a week day. 

I read that procrastination, rather than being laziness, can be a sign of preference to operate under adrenaline. Now, I know I work better with pressure and if there's no pressure I will do a lacklustre job that simply fits the need. If I bust it out last minute (like the 2 years of GCSE coursework I did in a week, and nailed by the way) I can function quite well. But as a completely self-sufficient adult with no financial back-up either through savings (I like to travel...), a partner (single over settle!) or a parent (skint) I really need to learn to be better prepared. 

Or win some money so I don't care. That would be easier. 

(1, 9, 19, 22, 35, 46 were always my lottery number, please no one ever check if they've ever come up. Ignorance will truly be bliss on this count). 

 

Something that made me laugh today

The temporary tattoo still intact on my tit from the hen do at the weekend that I forgot was there and made me jump this morning when I climbed out of bed. 

Tattoo's are a great way to cover ageing though. I have absolutely none but once my puppies go south a few tit tats would work wonders. 

(I'd also need my full neck doing as it already looks like someone found an old peach in clingfilm behind the fridge). 

Something stupid…

The absolute STATE of my room. Thank fuck I am single, if anyone saw that they'd be out the door like Road Runner voice-noting their ex that the psychotic episodes is something they can work on. 

Anything else?

How do I eat well without spending more in a day than the national tax of Paps New Guinea? How do I eat well without spending more time in the kitchen than Henry VIII's personal chef? How do I eat well without creating enough mess and dishes to recreate 'Be Our Guest' but without the singing crockery to help me put it away? 

I can see why people lean to a microwave meal, and as the severe procrastinator that I am the impending heart disease 10 years into the future does seem the easier option right now than cleaning my saute pan for the 657th time. 

13th April 2026 - Monday

 

Something I learnt today

I'm awful at starting new habits, but exceptionally good at breaking them almost immediately,.  

Well, that's a lie. Not in that I'm not awful, I absolutely am. In that I learnt that today; I learnt that years ago, I have merely been reminded once again that the best laid plans of mice and men "Gang aft agley" and that accounts for 99% of anything I plan to do that is fully under my own merit. Regardless of the positive outcomes. 

Of the thousands of important things that have completely and utterly left the realms of my memory over the years somehow 'gan aft a glae'  (how I typed it into google) remained in my head since year 10 GCSE English with Mrs Painter, with only somewhat minor amends to be made to my attempt at spelling Welsh words. Other than the line in question my Welsh amounts to knowing 'hedlu' for 'police', 'cunto' for 'zero' and being able to catch onto 'Happy Birthday' just in-time for the end. Quite impressive for someone who can't remember to take vitamins each day, where they left their weed vape and about 50% of their adult life.  

(Despite being impressed, I'd still rather find that weed vape). 

Something that made me laugh today

Why A.A Milne thought bottom naked was the best look for Pooh. 

Something stupid…

Several men not realising I was wearing an Amy Winehouse beehive wig when out at the weekend. 

Seriously, boys. Light a fag within 10ft of me and I'd have gone up quicker than Hiroshima. 

Anything else?

I have a weird name for a Caucasian Brit. I get that. It's very common for it to be mispronounced. I get that! So, if someone  keeps mispronouncing it past the point of comfortably being able to correct them without making them look stupid in front of other I instead opt for ensuring I relay stories from the alternate perspective to enable me to reference my own name that they (hopefully) subtly pick up on.  

What amazes me, is when I do this (several times; I have even introduced myself to someone in front of said people and phonetically describe my name, 'like a piece of cake-oh') and they STILL stick to their mispronunciation. They hear other people say my name differently, they still stick to their version. Now, if I heard someone pronounce a name different to how I did I would ask that person on the DL if I'm saying it wrong. Or, I don't know...maybe I'd listen to them refer to themselves with the right name and mimic them? I end up just accepting being called the wrong name. I should correct them first time but when a mispronunciation comes before "do you want a drink?" I tend to just say 'yes'. The need for a large Malbec clearly sits higher in my priorities than my own moniker. 

1st April 2026 - Wednesday

 

Something I learnt today

I’m incapable of going to bed at a reasonable hour. (It’s 02:15 and I decided now is a great time to attempt to start a new hobby of writing a diary to try and fight this brain fog I’ve been experiencing. Apparently 8pm was inappropriate).

I should be a bingo caller when I’m old…if I’m not decrepit or senile by then…or forget about this idea. I forgot the term ‘converted barn’ earlier today, and to think people can speak 2^nd languages. I can’t even spell faceatous in my own language. I can spell diarrhoea though.  

You can drink Elme Double Cream 2 months out of date.

Something that made me laugh today

The English constitution that is the bingo hall. It must be protected. How is a Bingo Hall in Leigh Park the first place I’ve witnessed the genius of having a fruit machine in a smoking area? And to my amazement they had the £1 quick games built into the wall to allow people to still play whilst smoking.  That’s genius level akin to remote controlled lightbulbs. (Although in 2026 no-one is yet to capitalize on my genius idea of placing a ‘finder’ button for remote controls on their base units ie. The Sky box, the TV etc. Surprisingly that hasn’t been invented/marketed yet, however someone funded the manufacture of eyelashes for car headlights).

That was only my 3^rd time ever playing Bingo but I hope a garish Crown Bingo stains our residential areas for decades to come. (But paper and dabber is the only way to go).

Something stupid…

Donald Trump.

 

 

And eyelashes on car headlights.

Anything else?

It looks like I have an underactive thyroid [self-diagnosis with the aid of AI]. But at least I’m not peri menopausal and my bones aren’t about to start crumbling just yet. (Fertility of a 30yr old apparently. Some would count that as a flex but as I’d rather a smear test from Captain Hook than bear a child it comes with less clout).

There should also be a ‘Jump straight to question 5 and don’t pass Menopause’ life button for those that have not procreated. It’s like working at an unused Power Plant and then having to demolish it single-handedly before you can retire.

(Whilst undergoing random sweating and a dry vagina).